Jamming in the groove

There's a place in rhythm called 'the groove'. In the groove you no longer have to think about what you do - it just happens, like your body is overtaken by the rhythm and you move with it - the drummer and the rhythm become one, the dancer becomes the dance and the dance lives through the dancer. In the groove there is no past or future, it's only the moment, the NOW, and you're fully awake and dreaming all at the same time. At the core of your being is a sense of joy and peace and the knowlege that this is right and your mind is clear of all of the things that usually weigh you down.

In the groove you're totally committed - like the adrenaline rush of running down a mountain where you know that if you make one mistake you'll be seriously injured, but at the same time you inuitively know that the secret isn't to hold back because of fear - you need to give your all and let go. Hold back and the groove disappears as if you've awoken from a beautiful dream and you try and go back to sleep to re-enter the dream, but the moment is gone.

Spaces

Rhythm always has spaces. A drummer who plays without any spaces will struggle to find the rhythm. Without spaces there is no rhythm, just noise.

Life has spaces. The space between when I'm at home and when I'm at work, when I'm with my family and when I'm not. There are also spaces in between the highs and the lows, between the happiness and sorrow. Spaces between being busy and waiting, between being on top of the world, and the effort of climbing to get there.
Without spaces there wouldn't be rhythm.

Relationships need spaces too. Too much crowding messes up the rhythm. "But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you...” (The Prophet - Kahlil Gibran )

Sometimes we forget about the rhythm. The rhythm that connects us to all around us, the breathing in and breathing out of the universe. So caught up in the noise of life that we forget we need the space to find our rhythm again.

Rhythm

Night - day, sleeping - waking, breathing in and breathing out, the beating of the heart and the spaces in between, going out, and coming back home. Constantly repeating - everything that has life has rhythm.

Breaking the rules

"But why?"- and the typical answer - "Because I said so!"
Children can be frustrating - like explaining to your 4yr old that she can't wear ballet leotard to school - it's just not practical. It's actually refreshing, though - now that I think about it removed from the war of trying to get kids to school on time. Children don't always think or behave like they're supposed to. They seem to know what it is to fully experience being alive. As we get older we learn to conform, to think in certain ways, to behave 'correctly'. Sometimes we're so busy doing the right thing that we forget how to really live.

I watched "As it is in heaven" Last night. This is a translation of Gabriella's song I found here:

It is now that my life is mine
I’ve got this short time on earth
And my longing has brought me here
All I lacked and all I gained
And yet it’s the way that I chose
My trust was far beyond words
That has shown me a little bit
Of the heaven I’ve never found
I want to feel I’m alive

All my living days I will live as I desire
I want to feel I’m alive
Knowing I was good enough
I have never lost who I was I have only left it sleeping
Maybe I never had a choice
Just the will to stay alive

All I want is to be happy
Being who I am
To be strong and to be free
To see day arise from night
I am here and my life is only mine
And the heaven I thought was there
I’ll discover it here somewhere

I want to feel that I’ve lived my life


That reminds me of something Joseph Campbell said:

I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive..

The red balloon

My kids fascinate me..
We went to the local Spur tonight. Michelle, my wife, is away at the Kruger National Park and I'm looking after the kids. Seeing as I really suck at cooking I took them out. In the course of the evening my 4 year old, Isabelle, was introduced to a red ballon. In no time at all she formed this realtionship with it and it bacame part of who she was - well that's how it seemd - especially when it blew away in the parking lot an hour later...

Now I've done the heroic running after the balloon thing before, but the wind was just too wild tonight and I just knew i'd end up looking like an idiot chasing after the air - because that's really what a balloon is.
"It's a just piece of rubber stretched around air", I told her - but she didn't buy that. So I tried the whole " now your balloon is free to fly - blah blah". She let me know in no uncertain terms that this really wasn't going to do it for her. Ok, how about something a little less logical - "your balloon is free and you're four". 3 and 4 for those of you who don't get it - although she did. She sort of laughed so I thought I was on to something. "And Jess has one too - so we have one two free four". ..Damn - when will I learn to quite while I'm ahead? I've just reminded her that Jess has one and she doesn't and that's all it takes to turn on the taps again.
So we're stuck with a crying kid until we get home where Jess (the little angel) says Belle can have her balloon and at last - the crying stops.

So - what's the moral of the story? Well there really isn't one - but I'm so glad that we grow out of these things, and that grown ups don't make such a fuss about running after a sort-of-round ball-like object filled with air...

More thoughts on belief

It's interesting that when I use the word 'belief', my immediate thought is about religious beliefs. While the whole idea of imagining I believe something different applies to religion, it also applies to other kinds of beliefs, for instance, what I believe about myself and what I believe I am able to do. I may believe that I'll never be a good writer. Now this may or may not be true, but unless I overcome that belief, I'll never know. So - how do I change that belief? One of the ways is to imagine that I can and then do what a good writer would do - namely write.
(This is one of the reasons I started doing this blogging thing)

Now there will always be some smart ass saying that if I pretend to believe I can fly and jump off a building - well you know how it goes.. hmm, but then again I will be in the air for the rest of my life..

Jokes aside, there are many beliefs I know I have that prevent me from 'reaching my full potential' (I hate that cliche, but i can't think of anything else right now). There are many patterns that have developed over the years, things that people that I respected have said, and the results that seem to prove these beliefs. While what I believe will most of the time be true for me, it doesn't mean it needs to be true. I can change.

That, by the way, is the lesson that bending a fork teaches me. Some things seem solid and unchangable. But if you look at it differently, they can be quite malleable and can quite easily change shape...

May the fork be with you ;)

Some thoughts on faith and belief

Belief is something that is arrived at - not something that is 'confessed' or ascribed to.That's been a statement I've held to for the last few years and it has, in many ways, been the filter through which I've viewed my sprituality.

For instance, I believe the chair I'm sitting in will hold me, most of the time, and so my actions display that. I can sit down without really trying to think about whether it will or not. It could be said that I have faith in this chair.

I have tried to approach much of my thinking from the ground up, ie. focusing on what I experience as a human being and trying to make sense of it, rather than some or other belief system that is taught or revealed through a book. This has been a process of trying to be really honest with myself - do I really believe what I believe?

But - what then of 'blind' faith? If I only base my spirituality on what I experience, I limit myself to only that which I experience and see. How could it be possible to experience other realities if my beliefs are only defined by my present reality?

So - sometimes I play games - and imagine I'm living in a world where certain things are true. I guess you could call it a spritual excercise. Just like an actor would live themselves into a role, I try and play out certain belief systems. Take them on and wear them for a while - and see how they fit into my experience of life.Belief then could be about pretending - 'living as if'.

Hmm - isn't that what ritual is all about, or statements of faith - not quite believing, but living like you do, and if the belief is true then it will perhaps resonate and become real belief - something you arrive at?

"I believe, but please help my unbelief..."

The great Oracle of the Internet

Here's a game I like to play:

I go to Google and ask a question, then hit "I'm feeling lucky". Whatever comes back I try and find meaning in it - an act of imagination - imagining that the internet is this great mind that I am a part of and can somehow help me answer some of the questions I have. It's just a game I play so I don't need to take it seriously, but while I'm 'playing the game' I do.

Today I typed "what must i do with my life". This is the link it returned: Rainer Rilke - What Must I Do With My Life?.
The answer - I need to figure it out for myself by searching my soul for what I'm really passionate about, and then design my life around that as if I was an artist painting a picture. I like that answer :)

So - go ahead - how about you try it and see what happens ;)

I know more than I know I know

I had a discussion recently that went something along the line of "I know a lot more than I know I know". What I mean is that I have limited knowledge - understanding stuff, but my body has an immense amount of knowledge. Thousands of years of evolution has taught this body of mine how to heal itself, how to think, how to transform light into meaning. While I ('me' - the Ego?) have only had 36 years to accumulate 'knowledge' - my body (which is me actually) is the accumulation of thousands of years of knowledge. If I cut myself - I essentially know how to heal myself. While I have very little idea of how it actually works - I know how to do it because a few days later I look and the cut is gone.

So I thought perhaps I need to refine my definition of knowledge - this is what I was told by the great oracle known as wikipedia:

"There is however no single agreed definition of knowledge presently, nor any prospect of one, and there remain numerous competing theories."

hmm - so no-one really knows..

Perhaps the key then is to not rely so much on what 'I' know and try and uncover what I really do know - I just don't know it

the little things..

I spent yesterday at Brandvliet prison..
Hmm - actually - my daughter was involved in a triathlon and that's where it was held. It's not a bad place. The weather was foul but Jess did brilliantly. Unfortunately - somewhere along the line I lost my phone. The good news is that someone found it and had the sense to phone two of my friends, who both contacted me (through facebook and email), and whoever found then left it at the venue. So now all I need to do is go back and fetch my phone.
It's really cool when something like this happens - not losing my phone, but when someone takes the trouble to do the right thing. I guess one can philosophize about life and perception and the meaning of words and all that - but when it comes down to it, it's the little things - the practical things that really make a difference in life.

On another note - I'm busy reading "The archaic revival" by Terence McKenna. It's been described as "A cyclone of unorthodox ideas capable of lifting almost any brain out of its cognitive Kansas.." - my kind of book ;)
I'll try give the book a bit of a review once I'm a bit further into it, but I'm really enjoying the style of writing and some of the things that are said. It's the right book for me to be reading at right now.

Later P-)

Keeping an open mind

If I look at a object, for instance a coin, I can only see one side, unless I turn it over. Then I can see the other side. If it was impossible for me to turn the coin over , and the only way I could see the other side was by talking to someone else who could - my knowledge of the coin would only grow by listening to the other person - by trying to "see it" through their eyes.

I think life is like this. It is impossible for one person to know everything because we can really only see and experience life through our eyes, and our body. To grow, then, I need to listen to others and open my mind to their point of view. The more different their point of view is to mine - the more it will stretch me. I don't need to agree with them - just try and see what they see and experience what they do. Truth is often found in the middle of two opposite points of view.

Some more thoughts on words and communication

I'm not sure who originally said it - but I love the statement "words don't have meaning, meaning has words".I find this is so true in communication, especially when one moves into the realm of beliefs.
Someone asked me the other day what I believe in. I asked them what they meant by belief - it's a very loaded word. From their answer I learnt more about them. They asked me if I believed in a higher power. Now what does one mean by "higher" and "power"?
I think that when you move away from the "correct" answer to these questions and start looking deeper - honestly, you find "something" that is beyond words. The challenge is then to put "that" in words so that "it" can be communicated. But can it really be communicated, other than encouraging others to do the same, and to figure it out for themselves?