Honesty and spirituality

I love bookshops. The way a book is able to speak in silence gives me a sense of peace. And that moment of opening a new book, connecting with someone else's mind for me is real magic. The fact that I can write these words and somehow convey to you my thoughts is nothing less than miraculous, something we take so for granted.

But it's also possible to hide behind these words. If I'm careful and clever I can make it sound as if I have all the answers. Well perhaps I can't, but many of the authors I read get it right. I read these books and I must admit that I feel quite small. I can never seem to 'get it right' in those 10 steps that the author guarantees. Maybe it's because some books belong to the world of ideas and ideals, where the raw reality of living seems quite distant.

Every now and again I find a book where the author has dared to let me in on their real life. One of the chapters I read last night was honest enought to speak about the dark side that exists in all of us. Another book I'm reading is about sex and deals with stuff that most of us think, but would rather not admit.

Sometimes I ask myself if I hide behind all the books that are stacked beside my bed, as if by reading them I can escape for a while. Escape from what? I think it's the escape from being alone with myself, or the fear that I am nothing extraordinary..

And I think that perhaps this is why the spritual path is often one of stillness - because in stillness I need to be honest and face my doubts, my fears and my demons. I say 'my' because they are part of who I am. And strangely enough, by embracing these things , I find stillness and peace and relax into the knowlege that I am here and I am living, and I share this life and these feelings with other real human beings - and I don't feel so alone with myself anymore.